Holding Him Together
by Aini NuFire
Summary: Post season 3a - Magnus has to make a lot of adjustments to life without his magic. Alec won't let him do it alone.


**A/N: For zonya35, who requested some hurt!Magnus. This is more fluffy than my usual whump, but hopefully still has some nice h/c feels.**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine. Thanks to 29Pieces for beta reading!**

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"Holding Him Together"

Alec pushed open the door to the loft and was immediately greeted with the spiced aromas of herbs, onions, and roasting duck. After a long—and fruitless—day of work, the smell was tantalizing and made his stomach rumble with anticipation.

He set his bow and quiver by the door and ventured into the kitchen, pausing on the threshold to admire the figure currently sprinkling some kind of ground spice into a pot with whimsical abandon.

"Hey," Alec greeted.

Magnus turned and flashed him a debonair smile. "Good, you're not working late. I was hoping I wouldn't have to reheat this later. How was work?"

Alec just watched him carefully as he pivoted toward the island counter and resumed chopping up some vegetables on a cutting board. Though the moves and flair were familiar, there was an undercurrent of tension beneath them, like there had been since Magnus had lost his magic. Given it up, actually, to save Jace. Magnus insisted it was worth it, insisted he would be fine, that he wasn't inept without it. He made his own shampoo by hand, after all.

But he _had_ lost a crucial part of himself, and Alec wasn't naive enough to think this facade was anything but an attempt to cover up the grief over such a devastating loss. And he didn't know how to help. The only thing he knew how to do was be there and wait for Magnus to open up to him.

"It was frustrating," Alec said, answering Magnus's question. "We still haven't been able to find any clue as to what happened to Clary. Jace is slowly falling apart, pretty much the same way he was after he came back from Lake Lyn."

Another person Alec didn't know how to help. He kept telling Jace they didn't know for sure that Clary was dead, that they needed to figure out exactly what happened. But Alec could tell that no matter how desperately Jace wanted to believe that, his heart wasn't buying it.

Magnus's hands stilled, the knife hovering over the pile of green onions, parsley, and thyme, and he lifted a pained gaze to Alec. "I'm sorry I can't help with that. If I had my magic…"

Alec crossed the kitchen toward him. "Magnus, it's not your fault."

He returned to mincing the herbs, his movements now stilted and tense. "Clary is my friend and I'm powerless to figure out whether she's alive or dead. She could be out there somewhere, in trouble, and all I can do is stand here and cook a stupid dinner! Why am I even bothering with something so trivial?"

He made a jerky motion in punctuation of the erupting emotion, and gasped sharply. Suddenly the green herbs were splattered in bright red liquid, and Magnus yanked his hands away from the knife and cutting board, eyes wide as he clutched his wounded finger tightly.

Alec immediately snatched up a dish towel from the counter and rounded the island. With unyielding yet gentle firmness, he extricated Magnus's hand and wrapped the towel around the bleeding index finger, applying pressure. Magnus was staring at the bundled stump in something like shock, and it hit Alec in that moment that he couldn't heal himself. It looked as though it was hitting Magnus, too.

Alarm surged through Alec. He couldn't use runes on Magnus, and without the warlock's magic, they'd have to fix this up the mundane way. Except, Alec didn't _know_ what the mundane way was.

He carefully peeled the dish towel back to get a look at the injury, but a fresh spurt of blood made it difficult to see. The flow wasn't slowing down, either.

"Magnus," Alec said worriedly. "This looks serious."

Wait, just because Magnus didn't have his powers didn't mean magic couldn't fix this.

Alec straightened. "Can you call Catarina? She can heal it, right? Or we can go down to the hospital if she's working."

Magnus snapped out of his apparent stupor, his expression closing off stiffly. "No. I don't want to call Catarina."

Alec just blinked at him dubiously. "What? Why not? Magnus, I'm serious. The bleeding isn't stopping."

Magnus tried to wrench his hand back, but Alec held firm. Magnus let out a scowl and a huff. "Lorenzo forbade any of the warlocks from helping me."

"I thought that was when you were trying to save Jace?"

"Yes, well, technically his command wasn't _that_ specific. And since I did sort of attack him, I'm sure it now includes any definition of help."

Alec's jaw ticked. He was going to have to have a word with the current High Warlock of Brooklyn. "Okay, but Catarina is your friend. I'm sure she'd risk Lorenzo being in a snit over something like this."

"I said no!"

Alec reeled back at the abrupt harsh tone he rarely ever heard from his boyfriend. It stunned him just enough for Magnus to reclaim his hand, though he kept pressure on the towel.

Magnus's shoulders instantly sagged. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just…you don't understand. I…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "I just can't."

Alec wanted to say, "So help me understand," but now wasn't the time for a heart-to-heart when Magnus needed medical attention. And if he wasn't going to ask for help from another warlock, then he needed to get it from a mundane.

But neither Alec nor Magnus had a car, and Magnus couldn't portal them anywhere anymore. Dammit, Alec had been trying to affirm Magnus's belief that losing his magic wouldn't change anything, but it sure was creating some complications right now.

"I have an idea," he said, and pulled out his cell phone to text Izzy.

Magnus squinted at him. "What?"

"Do you trust me?"

Magnus just canted his head and said softly, "Of course."

Alec typed out a message on his phone.

 _"Hey, I need you to ask your doctor boyfriend if he makes house calls."_

Her reply came a minute later. _"He's not my boyfriend anymore, remember? And why do you need a house call?"_

Alec winced, perfectly able to imagine his sister's tone. He'd forgotten she'd broken up with the mundane. It hadn't seemed like something very important given everything else that had happened, but he should have been more sensitive to how hard it'd been on her.

 _"Magnus cut his finger and it won't stop bleeding. And he won't let me call another warlock for help. I know it would be awkward for you, but I don't know who else to call. Please?"_

He waited a few beats before his phone pinged with a response: a sighing emoji.

 _"Fine. But I can't promise he'll be willing to come."_

 _"Thanks, Iz."_

Alec set his phone on the counter and turned back to Magnus, who was clutching his wounded hand to his chest now, face scrunched up in pain.

"I think you need to elevate it," Alec said, stepping closer and gently taking Magnus's wrist to raise it up over his head.

Magnus quirked a doubtful look at him, but didn't argue or resist. He was looking a little pale, and Alec really hoped he wasn't losing _that_ much blood to go into shock. But there was a red patch seeping through the dish towel.

Alec gently nudged Magnus backward a few steps to ease down into a chair.

"Who did you summon?" Magnus finally asked softly.

"A doctor." Alec paused, and then added in a lower voice, "Izzy's ex-boyfriend."

Magnus's brows furrowed. "The human doctor?"

"You probably need stitches. So it's either here or we go down to an actual hospital." He could call Luke for a ride; although, Alec had complete confidence that his sister could convince her ex to help. The doctor had seemed like a good guy when Alec had briefly met him.

The smell of something burning filtered into his senses, and Magnus jolted sharply.

"The duck!"

"Keep that hand raised," Alec ordered as he pivoted toward the oven and hastily snatched up a mitt. When he opened the door, smoke started pouring out, and he coughed as he frantically pulled the dish from the rack. He went to set it on the stove, and realized the pot was coming dangerously close to bubbling over.

Alec scrambled to make room for the duck on the back burners before reaching to turn the front one off. He let out a breath, and then did a quick scan of the rest of the kitchen to make sure nothing else was on the verge of disaster. It was clear.

He hurried back to Magnus and immediately checked the bleeding, but it still hadn't stopped. He tried not to worry over something as simple as a small cut, but inside his stomach was twisting in knots. Magnus had grown silent, his gaze hooded and distant. If he was going into shock, it was just as likely that it was because he was facing his newfound mortality. Actually, Alec didn't even know if losing his magic would affect his immortality, and he hadn't asked. Either way, he hated seeing Magnus looking so…vulnerable. Sure, Alec had often worried about Magnus's safety when Valentine was running around with the Mortal Instruments. But he'd never had to worry about something as trifle as a kitchen knife.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but there was a knock at the door before it opened and Izzy's voice called out,

"Alec? Magnus?"

"In the kitchen," he hollered back.

A moment later, Isabelle came in, her ex—Charlie, it was—following behind with a medium sized satchel bag. Alec nearly sagged in relief.

"Thank you for coming," he said earnestly. "I can't get the bleeding to stop."

Charlie veered around Isabelle and set his bag on the table before going straight to taking Magnus's hand from Alec's grip. He peeled back the dish towel to get a look, eyes narrowing slightly with professional appraisal. "Yeah, that looks deep. But it's not that serious if we get it taken care of properly." He flicked a harder look at Alec. "And the reason you couldn't go to the emergency room?"

"We, uh…" Alec fumbled.

"Don't have health insurance," Magnus finished.

Charlie glanced at Isabelle, expression furrowed in thought. But whatever he was thinking he kept to himself as he turned back to his patient. "Isabelle, if you could set out the supplies I brought?"

She hurried to do so, and Alec found himself taking a reluctant step back. He didn't want to get in the way.

"It's not that bad, really," Magnus said. "I'm sorry they dragged you all the way out here."

Again, Charlie cast a look at Isabelle. "It's no problem."

Isabelle remained silent as she laid out the sutures and bandages and proceeded to assist Charlie by handing him the things he asked for. Alec crossed his arms and pressed one fist to his mouth as he watched. First, Charlie made sure to get the bleeding to finally stop, and then he set about stitching the laceration. Magnus's mouth was tight with barely concealed pain throughout the process.

When it was finally done, Charlie removed his latex gloves and stood up. "Keep it dry for the next few days, and in a week come see me to get the stitches removed. _At_ St. Ambrose Hospital," he added. "I won't charge you."

Alec reached out to shake the man's hand. "Thank you."

Charlie accepted it with a nod. "Anything for Isabelle's family."

Alec was torn between filing that away as a resource for the future, and hoping he'd never have to call on Charlie's expertise again. He didn't miss Isabelle ducking her gaze at the comment.

"You're welcome to stay for dinner," Magnus offered, though he cast a forlorn gaze around the half-prepared food. "Such as it is."

"Thanks," Charlie said, "but I really should get going." He glanced at Izzy before awkwardly gathering up his supplies and heading for the door.

Alec caught his sister's gaze and flicked his eyes pointedly at Charlie's retreating back.

She shot him an exasperated and disbelieving look in return.

Yeah, maybe Alec hadn't exactly approved of her dating a mundane at first—though that was pretty tame considering her previous downworlder boyfriends—but it was obvious Charlie cared about her, and she him. Dating a mundane would have its challenges, but Isabelle wasn't one to back down from one. Besides, relationships took effort.

Her lips pressed into a tight line, but after another moment of indecision, she turned and hurried after Charlie.

Silence filled the loft.

"I'm sorry I ruined dinner," Magnus finally spoke.

Alec turned to face him. "You didn't ruin dinner."

"The duck is cold, the sauce has separated, and the seasoning is covered in blood. Hardly appetizing."

"Magnus—"

Magnus stood abruptly and made a beeline for the liquor cabinet. Alec swallowed a surge of frustration and followed, coming up right behind Magnus and shutting the door before he could retrieve the alcohol. He grabbed the man's shoulders and forced him to turn around.

Magnus opened his mouth as though to upbraid him, but Alec cut him off by simply putting his arms lightly around his boyfriend. Alec leaned forward, tucking his chin into Magnus's shoulder and simply holding him there. After a moment, he felt Magnus's tension deflate.

"I'm here for you, you know that," Alec said softly. "And maybe I don't understand what you're going through, but I watched my mother have to adjust after being deruned. I couldn't imagine what it was like for her, either. But she's strong, and she adapted." Alec squeezed just a fraction more, though his touch was still feather-light. "You're one of the strongest people I know, Magnus. I know you'll adapt. And I'll always be here."

Magnus let out a shuddering breath, shaky arms rising to return the embrace. "Will you?" he whispered.

Alec pulled back abruptly. "What? Of course I will."

Magnus averted his gaze. "Without my magic…I can't help you with Shadowhunter business. I can't- no more portaling to Tokyo for breakfast, or- or whipping up a romantic dinner on the spot without risking—" He made a choking sound and gestured at the kitchen. "Silly mishaps like that."

Alec just gaped at him incredulously. "Magnus, none of that stuff matters."

Magnus finally looked up to meet his gaze. "But will you still…love me, without it?"

Alec's mouth moved soundlessly. How could he even ask that? How was Alec even supposed to answer?

Well, one way.

He captured Magnus's face in his hands and fervently pressed his mouth to his. Alec poured every ounce of his love through that kiss, hoping it would get through to Magnus once and for all.

He broke away, breathless, and dropped his forehead against Magnus's. "Any other questions?"

Magnus choked on a half sob, half laugh, and Alec stroked his thumb across Magnus's cheek to catch a stray tear.

"Just one," Magnus said hoarsely. "Do you want to order pizza or Chinese tonight?"

Alec's lips quirked, and he stole another quick kiss. "You pick."


End file.
